just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
