Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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