we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
