Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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