Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
