Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
