wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
