We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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