I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
