i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
