if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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