my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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