I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize