Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
