I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize