Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
