She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
this is an emotional support booty call
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He has the fingertips of a God
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize