I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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