we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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