i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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