Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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