Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
