At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
