hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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