There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
