You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
