i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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