Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
