true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
