and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
