is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Did I show you my penis last night?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
