ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
