Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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