Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize