that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
