The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
