Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
