you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
tell me about the eggs
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
