he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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