tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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