your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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