When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
