Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize