Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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