OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
