I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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