I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
