Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
