4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
