We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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