Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
