rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
