Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
