I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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