I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
