I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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