You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
