Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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