next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
