My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Porn is love you can see.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
