make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
