Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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