Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
