Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
