he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The adults are the big ones right?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
