Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
