I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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