how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
