It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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