To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
