there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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