Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
