Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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