I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
