Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
