What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
