i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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