I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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