Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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