she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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