just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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