one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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