i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
