There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
