It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
