Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
