the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize