the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
