I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
