Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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