How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
