I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
