Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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