Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
