weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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