Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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