I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
