I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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