I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
