Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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