Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
