You don't have asthma, your pregnant
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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