Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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