actually, I'm a sock model
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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