i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize