hotel room ftw
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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