my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
