if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
