Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
